


Just Come As You Are

by hondansadeensommar



Series: Multifandom Hurt/Comfort Oneshots [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION
Genre: Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 08:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondansadeensommar/pseuds/hondansadeensommar
Summary: “I… I want to stop, too…”“You want to stop what?”





	Just Come As You Are

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ: The tags are correct. Although it isn't graphic, please DO NOT read if anything in the tags might be triggering for you.

Wooseok flushed the toilet, leaning back against the stall door and closing his eyes.It was all too much; he had been pushing himself too hard, trying to do too much when he was already dangerously close to another breakdown.And now his breakfast had been flushed down the toilet, something Wooseok hadn’t done since he’d come back from his hiatus from Up10tion.Something he’d done too many times in the past, but that he could no longer pretend wasn’t an issue.

Wooseok took a deep breath, forcing himself back up to his feet and walking out of the stall to wash his hands and rinse out his mouth.

“ _Hyung_ … is everything okay?”Wooseok was surprised to find Lee Jinwoo standing near the sinks, looking obviously concerned.He’d thought he was alone - Wooseok had checked every stall before he’d finally ducked into the last stall and let himself force up everything he’d eaten.

“Haenamie…” Wooseok began.

“Are you sick, _hyung_?I could go get a manager…” Jinwoo began, moving towards the door.

“I’m not sick, Haenamie,” Wooseok replied, shaking his head.“I’m okay… I promise.”

“You were throwing up,” Jinwoo commented, shaking his head.“I heard you, _hyung_ … you should go back to the training camp and rest…”

“I’m not sick,” Wooseok replied, sighing.“Rest isn’t going to help, okay?Please, just… don’t say anything, okay?I’m going to talk to Jinhyuk- _ah_ , and it’s going to be okay.”Jinwoo didn’t look convinced, although he didn’t move to leave as Wooseok rinsed the taste of vomit from his mouth and washed his hands.

“ _Hyung_ … did you make yourself throw up?” Jinwoo asked hesitantly.

Wooseok turned to face the younger boy, biting down on his bottom lip as he thought about whether or not he wanted to admit his secret to the teen.Jinwoo was young and impressionable, and the last thing Wooseok wanted to do was somehow accidentally encourage him to follow Wooseok’s poor example.“It’s not something I’m proud of, Haenamie… I’m working to fix this…”

Wooseok was surprised when the younger boy launched himself at Wooseok, wrapping him in a tight hug.It took Wooseok a moment to reciprocate, taking a deep breath and relaxing into the teen’s embrace.“Hey… it’s just once… it isn’t even a full-blown relapse or anything,” Wooseok began.“I’m going to keep on top of this, Haenamie _._ I’m not going to do anything stupid, okay?I’m going to stop.”

It wasn’t until Jinwoo moved back that Wooseok realized that there were tears in the teen’s eyes.“I’m sorry, _hyung_ …” Jinwoo began, shaking his head as he reached up to wipe away the tears.“I… I want to stop, too…”

The words hit Wooseok like a punch to the gut.“You want to stop what?” Wooseok asked softly, reaching up to stroke a hand through the boy’s hair.“Haenamie… have you been purging, too?”Jinwoo nodded slowly, not looking Wooseok in the eye.“Oh, Haenamie…”Wooseok pulled the boy into another hug, wishing that he had some idea of how to deal with another person in the same position he himself had been in a few years earlier.

“D-don’t hate me, _hyung_ …” Jinwoo began.

“I don’t hate you, Jinwoo- _yah_.And neither will Jinhyuk- _ah_ , okay?No one is going to hate you,” Wooseok replied.Wooseok simply held the boy, letting Jinwoo let it all out until he had calmed down enough to actually talk about what was going on.“Can you talk to me, tell me what’s going on?” Wooseok asked.

Jinwoo nodded slowly, pulling away from Wooseok’s hug and letting Wooseok guide him to one of the small rooms that were supposed to be used for things like phone calls and rehearsing vocals.Wooseok checked the camera in the corner, quickly shutting it off so that the two of them could have some privacy.He knew that it wasn’t really allowed - they were supposed to leave the cameras on whenever they were in the rooms - but Wooseok had a feeling that Jinwoo wasn’t ready to have to go through all of this publicly, and he knew that he wasn’t there yet, either.Turning off the cameras was only a small act of rebellion, and if it helped Jinwoo, it was worth whatever trouble he might get into for doing it.

“Can Jinhyuk- _hyung_ be here, too?” Jinwoo asked softly, as he sat down and curled up in a corner of the room.

Wooseok nodded.“Yeah, okay…”Wooseok hurried out of the room, heading straight to the rehearsal room where he knew Jinhyuk was practicing with his team.Thankfully, the group seemed to be taking a break and Wooseok was able to hurry over to his friend.“Jinhyuk- _ah_ … I need you…” he whispered, touching the older man on the shoulder.Jinhyuk looked obviously concerned, as he nodded and stood up to follow Wooseok into the hall.

“What’s going on?Are you okay?” Jinhyuk asked, as Wooseok lead him down the hall to the room where Jinwoo was waiting for both of them.

“It’s a long story…” Wooseok replied, shaking his head.He opened the door, moving to put an arm around Jinwoo as he sat down next to the teenager.

“What’s going on?” Jinhyuk asked, hurrying to sit on Jinwoo’s other side.“Haenamie?Why are you crying?”

“I’m sorry, _hyung_ …” Jinwoo began, shaking his head and starting to cry again.Wooseok watched helplessly as Jinwoo attached himself to Jinhyuk, not holding back his sobs.

“I don’t understand…” Jinhyuk began, looking up at Wooseok with concern.“Why is he upset, Wooseok- _ah_?”

Wooseok took a deep breath.“He caught me purging,” Wooseok began.Jinhyuk raised an eyebrow, but Wooseok cut him off before he could ask any questions.“I’m fine, we’ll talk about it later… but Jinwoo- _yah_ needs us right now.When I tried to reassure him that I was going to be okay, and that it wasn’t a big deal, he broke down and told me that he wanted to stop, too…”

There was a prolonged silence, as Jinhyuk processed what Wooseok was saying.“Haenamie, you’ve been making yourself sick?” Jinhyuk asked softly.Wooseok watched as Jinwoo nodded slowly against the older man’s chest.“How long?”

“Since middle school…” Jinwoo replied softly.“I don’t do it every meal… just when I eat too much.Just when it’s too much to handle…”

“I know how that is,” Wooseok replied softly.“I do it when the pressure gets to be too much, and the voices in my head get to be too loud…”

“Is that what happened today?” Jinwoo asked, turning to look at Wooseok.

“Can we talk about me later?This is about Jinwoo- _yah_ …” Wooseok began.“I don’t know how to deal with this from the other side of things…”

Jinhyuk nodded, returning his focus to Jinwoo.“Haenamie, I need you to talk to me.I need to know if I need to make you go to the trainee managers or not,” Jinhyuk began.

“I can’t… they’ll kick me off the show…” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head.

“They won’t kick you off,” Wooseok replied, rubbing small circles on the boy’s back.“We’re going to help you, Haenamie.I’m going to get better, and so are you.”

Jinwoo took a deep breath, glancing over at Wooseok.“You can do that?You can help me?”

“I’ve been helping Wooseok- _ah_ for a couple of years… that’s why he’s going to talk to me about what’s going on in his head once we’ve got you settled down,” Jinhyuk commented.“Here’s what we’re going to do… I’m going to talk to the guys on your team, and we’re going to make sure that you aren’t left alone.No going to the bathroom on your own for at least two hours after meals…”

“Two hours…?” Jinwoo asked.

“It’s for your own good,” Wooseok replied.“If you aren’t alone, it’s harder to make yourself throw up… and if you _do_ throw up, it at least makes it so that someone knows and can make sure that you’re okay.”

“But if I have to poop…”

“You do it with someone else in the bathroom,” Wooseok replied.“At least here there are stalls… you’ll still get some kind of privacy.In the dorms, someone would always be in the bathroom with me when I first came back from hiatus, and there was no privacy…”

Jinwoo nodded slowly, looking down at the floor.“If that’s what I have to do…” he replied.

“It’s going to help,” Wooseok replied.“It’s going to suck, and you’re going to hate them.You may even hate us some days.But it’s worth it.”

“But… you still purge…” Jinwoo began.

“Before today, I hadn’t done that in over a year,” Wooseok replied.“My therapist says that relapse is part of the recovery process… it’s going to happen, but beating an eating disorder is about not giving up the fight, even when you relapse…”

“Trust us, okay?Wooseok- _ah_ and I know this is hard… but you’re going to show us all how strong you really are, Haenamie.You’re going to beat this,” Jinhyuk added, rubbing the boy’s back gently.“And when it gets hard, you’re going to come to one of us.Or you’re going to go to someone else you trust, because you need more people than just us…”

Jinwoo nodded slowly.“But… we can start with just us, right?I don’t have to talk about it right now?” the boy asked softly.

“We don’t have to go into details, but we do need to talk to your group and let them know that you can’t be alone for a while,” Jinhyuk replied.

“Do you need a few more minutes?” Wooseok asked.

Jinwoo shook his head.“I need to go back to rehearse… we all do,” Jinwoo replied. 

“You don’t have to push yourself,” Jinhyuk commented.“We can take a little while longer, if you need it.”

“This is hard… but we’re on your side, okay?” Wooseok reassured, squeezing the boy’s shoulder.

“I can go back to rehearsal.I can do it.”Wooseok smiled, standing up and holding a hand out to help Jinwoo to his feet.Jinhyuk was quick to follow, putting an arm around Jinwoo’s shoulders.“You’ll both go with me, right?I think I need you guys on my side…”

“Of course we will,” Wooseok replied.

The walk down to the practice room Jinwoo’s group was using didn’t take long, and Wooseok could see that Jinwoo was getting more and more nervous as they moved closer to the door.“It’s going to be okay, Haenamie… you don’t have to tell them anything you aren’t comfortable with,” Jinhyuk reassured.“We’re going to be right here with you.”

Wooseok watched as Jinwoo walked into the room, with Jinhyuk close behind.He took a deep breath, before following the other two and moving to put an arm around Jinwoo’s shoulders.“Can we talk to you guys for a minute?”

“Is everything okay?” one of the other trainees asked.

“We just… have a favor to ask of you guys,” Jinhyuk replied.“Haenamie is having a hard time right now.He needs people to look out for him, and Wooseok- _ah_ and I can’t always be there.But he really can’t be left alone right now.”

There was a brief moment of silence, before the other trainees nodded quickly and moved to hug Jinwoo and take care of him themselves.Wooseok couldn’t help smiling as he saw the others embracing their youngest.

“Come on… we need to talk, too,” Jinhyuk commented, taking Wooseok’s arm and guiding him out of the practice rooms and back down the hall to the room where they had spoken to Jinwoo.“You want to tell me what happened?”

“I got freaked out by the rankings,” Wooseok admitted.“I’m not going to do it again…”

“I’m being nice to Haenamie because he’s never been through this before,” Jinhyuk replied.“You, on the other hand… I’m not giving you a choice on how we do this.You need to call your therapist.And you need to call Sunho- _hyung_ , like you promised you would…”

Wooseok closed his eyes, sighing as he leaned back against the wall.“I know.Just… it was only once…”

“You hid it from us for over a year, and I’m not sure that you would have ever said a word if it wasn’t for the other mental health stuff you were dealing with,” Jinhyuk replied.“Speaking of which… you’re taking your meds, right?You said something to Jinwoo- _yah_ about the voices in your head getting too loud…”

Wooseok sighed, shaking his head.“It’s never gone away.Not completely.I’ve been able to ignore it because things were going well…” Wooseok admitted.

“You could talk to your doctor about increasing your meds…” Jinhyuk began.

“I don’t want to be a zombie, Hyukkie,” Wooseok replied, shaking his head.“I already feel like I’m flat half the time.And I don’t have the time or the energy right now to go through the whole process of trying to change meds.Again.”

There was a brief moment of silence, before Jinhyuk moved closer and wrapped Wooseok in a hug.“It’s going to be okay.Stay here, okay?I’ll get a phone, we’ll make the calls.I’m going to be right here.”

“You need to rehearse…” Wooseok replied, shaking his head.

“I need to make sure that you’re okay.We’re brothers… no matter what happens on the show, we’ve been through too much together for me to ever see you as anything else,” Jinhyuk replied.Wooseok nodded slowly, leaning into Jinhyuk’s hug.“Give me five minutes, okay?Just hang out here, while I go get a phone from one of the PAs.You know the number, right?”

Wooseok nodded, taking a deep breath.“Yeah… yeah, I can do this.”


End file.
